woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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