will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
