How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
