Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
