I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize