Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
