R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
