I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize