i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
