1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i dont even know how to be here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
