I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
