Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
