Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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