Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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