Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
