So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
