people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
