If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cut my penus on the lid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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