Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
