never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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