there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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