It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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