I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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