My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
