batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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