Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
