I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
