Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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