i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize