we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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