You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize