His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
