Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
