Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
