he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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