Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
