so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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