haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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