Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
