imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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