over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
