I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
