this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
