Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
