I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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