He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize