Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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