my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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