Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just pee around me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
