We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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