Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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