all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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