she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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