Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
