I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
