You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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