does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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