By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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