what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
