flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
