R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
