physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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