She went from zero to smokin in five shots
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
