It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
