Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
