He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
