Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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