Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
