Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
