My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
