I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize