I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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