Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
