Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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