he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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