Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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