i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
