Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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