so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
