i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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