too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
