I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
