Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
