True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize