Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
