i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
