Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
