genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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