What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
