Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
