shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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