I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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