I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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