This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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