This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
