Me. At least after what I've been through.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize