After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
