pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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