I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have tasted many bathrooms
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
