jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
