Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
