More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
