i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize