Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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