I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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