It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
