omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
