Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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