If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
