The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
