My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
