i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
