Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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